3 Things You Need to Delete From Your "Future Spouse" List

Here is what a professional matchmaker says you need to cross off your list today, and what you must replace it with.

MATCHMAKER'S DESK

J. K. West

3 min read

man in blue jacket and woman in white wedding gown

Almost every single person who comes to a matchmaker—or goes to God in prayer—has a list.

Having high standards is absolutely necessary. You should have a list of non-negotiables regarding a person's faith, their character, and their alignment with God's Word. But over the years, I have watched incredible Christian singles price themselves entirely out of the dating market because their list has crossed the line from "biblical standards" to "Build-A-Bear" fantasy.

Many of us are treating the search for a spouse like an online shopping cart, aggressively filtering out amazing Kingdom partners because they don't meet our superficial preferences.

If you are serious about finding a lasting covenant, it is time to do some heavy editing. Here are three things you need to permanently delete from your "Future Spouse" list today:

1. The Exact Height and Aesthetic Requirements

Physical attraction matters. God wired us to be drawn to one another, and you should absolutely be attracted to your spouse. But there is a massive difference between genuine attraction and an unyielding aesthetic checklist.

I hear it all the time: "He must be at least 6'2"" or "She needs to look like an Instagram model." When you strictly filter by height, eye color, or body type, you are using a worldly metric to measure a spiritual decision. King David’s brothers looked like tall, muscular kings, but God told Samuel: "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature... for the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7).

Do not reject a man who has the spiritual stature to lead your home just because he lacks the physical height to reach the top shelf. Delete the rigid aesthetic rules and leave room for God to surprise you with the package your blessing comes in.

2. The "Finished Product" Financial Demand

Let me be clear: A Kingdom Man is mandated to be a provider. He must have a relentless work ethic, ambition, and the ability to steward resources (1 Timothy 5:8). But there is a dangerous trend of women demanding a "six-figure minimum" or expecting a man in his late twenties or early thirties to have the financial portfolio of a 50-year-old CEO.

When you demand a man who is already completely established, wealthy, and finished, you are looking for a sugar daddy, not a co-laborer. Marriage is a partnership of building. Proverbs 31 doesn't show a woman just spending her husband's money; it shows her actively investing, planting, and building wealth alongside him.

Delete the specific income bracket from your list. Instead, look for a man with a vision, a strong work ethic, and financial discipline. It is better to marry a builder on the ground floor than to marry an arrogant man in a penthouse.

3. The Flawless, "Never Stumbled" Past

Many Christians have a secret requirement that their future spouse must have a perfectly pristine past. If a potential partner is divorced, has a child from a previous relationship, or has a testimony of being delivered from a wild lifestyle, they are immediately crossed off the list.

We love to sing about God's grace on Sunday, but we refuse to extend that same grace in our dating lives on Monday.

If a person is still actively living in sin, that is a red flag you must heed. But if a person has genuinely repented, done the hard work of healing, and has a proven track record of a transformed life, you have no right to hold their past against them. God does not call them "damaged goods," and neither should you. Delete the demand for a perfect past, and look for a pattern of present repentance and growth.

The Conclusion: Write a Character List

If your checklist is preventing you from going on dates with genuinely good, godly people, the list has become an idol.

Take a pen and cross off the superficial demands. Replace "6 feet tall" with "stands tall in the Spirit." Replace "makes six figures" with "stewards what he has with integrity." Replace "perfect past" with "pursues God daily."

When you align your list with what Heaven values, you will finally start recognizing the Kingdom connections that have been right in front of you all along.