The Silent Killer of Covenant: Moving from Soulmates to Roommates

Why "The Drift" is more dangerous than "The Explosion."

KINGDOM COVENANT

3 min read

A small boat floating on top of a body of water

When we think of marriage failure, we tend to think of explosions. We picture the screaming match, the discovery of an affair, the bankruptcy, or the dramatic walk-out. We assume that if there is no shouting, the marriage is safe.

But in my experience coaching couples, the devil’s most effective strategy against Christian marriages isn't the explosion; it is The Drift.

Explosions are loud; you see them coming. The Drift is silent. It is the slow, imperceptible movement of two hearts floating away from each other, not because of hate, but because of neglect.

Hebrews 2:1 gives us a spiritual warning that applies perfectly to marriage:

"Therefore we must give the more earnest heed to the things we have heard, lest we drift away."

Notice the scripture doesn't say "lest we run away." You have to choose to run. But you don't have to choose to drift. All you have to do to drift is nothing.

1. The Roommate Syndrome

How does a couple go from being "soulmates" who can't stop talking to each other, to "roommates" who only talk about logistics?

It doesn't happen overnight. It happens in the quiet moments of rejection and fatigue.

It’s the date night that gets cancelled because you're "too tired" from work... and then it happens again next month.
It’s the conversations that shift from "How is your heart?" and "What is God showing you?" to "Did you pay the light bill?" and "Who is picking up the kids?"
It’s the physical intimacy that moves from being a passionate connection to being a scheduled chore—or worse, a distant memory.

Suddenly, you wake up five years later lying next to a stranger. You are efficient business partners running a household corporation (The Kids, LLC), but you are no longer "One Flesh." You are sharing a mortgage, but you aren't sharing a life.

2. The Law of Entropy

In physics, the Second Law of Thermodynamics states that everything in a closed system tends toward disorder (entropy) unless new energy is intentionally applied.

If you leave a garden alone, it doesn't stay beautiful; it grows weeds. If you leave a car alone, it doesn't get faster; it rusts. If you leave a marriage alone—if you put it on "autopilot"—it does not stay passionate. It decays.

Many Christians believe the lie: "If we love each other, it should be easy." No. Love is a choice. Relationships are work. If you are not actively rowing upstream against the current of life, you are already drifting downstream toward isolation.

3. Fighting the Drift: The "Rowing" Strategy

If you feel like you and your spouse are drifting, do not wait for a crisis to fix it. You must apply energy now. Here are three ways to pick up the oars and row back to each other:

Date Your Spouse Again (The Pursuit): Stop waiting for "special occasions." You need regular, non-negotiable time where you are not Mom and Dad, but Husband and Wife. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it has to be intentional. Put it on the calendar. If you don't schedule intimacy, busyness will steal it.
Touch Each Other (The Connection): Oxytocin (the bonding hormone) is released through physical touch. Roommates don't hold hands. Roommates don't hug for 20 seconds when they get home from work. Reconnect the physical wire. A touch on the shoulder or holding hands during a drive communicates, "I am with you," without saying a word.
Pray Together (The Covering): This is the ultimate drift-stopper. It is spiritually impossible to stay angry or distant from someone you are sincerely praying for. When you grab your spouse’s hand and go before God, you are realigning your spirits. You are reminding the enemy that this is a cord of three strands that cannot be easily broken.