Red Flags Christians Should Not Ignore: Part 2

"She goes to church" is not enough. Use this 360-degree Fruit Inspection guide to test their character against Patience, Kindness, and Goodness before you commit.

KINGDOM DATING & COURTSHIP

4 min read

red apple fruit beside green apple and yellow fruit on brown woven basket

In Part 1, we placed the character of a potential spouse under the microscope, testing for Love, Joy, and Peace. But the Fruit of the Spirit is not a buffet where you can pick and choose; it is a complete package.

If you are assessing a potential Kingdom Spouse, you cannot stop at the surface level of "chemistry" and "vibes." You need to do a deep dive. A person can fake charm for a dinner date, but they cannot fake character when life squeezes them.

Here is Part 2 of the 360° Fruit Inspection Guide. We are testing for Patience, Kindness, and Goodness—three virtues that determine whether a marriage will survive the long haul.

**4. PATIENCE (Greek: Makrothumia)** Endurance vs. The Short Fuse

Patience isn't just the ability to wait; it is how you behave while you wait. The Greek word Makrothumia literally translates to "long-tempered." It describes a person who has a long fuse—someone who can hold space for imperfection without exploding. In marriage, you will be imperfect often. You need a partner whose spirit is long enough to handle it.

To You (The Date): How do they handle inconvenience? If you are running 10 minutes late, or if the restaurant messes up the order, watch their reaction. Do they make you feel small, guilty, and anxious? Or do they say, "It’s okay, take a breath"? A partner who snaps at your small mistakes during dating will crush your spirit in marriage.
To Their Loved Ones: Watch them with their parents or siblings who might be slower, older, or repetitive. Do they roll their eyes while their mother is talking? Do they cut their father off? If they cannot be patient with the people who raised them, they will not be patient with you when you grow old.
To The Stranger: The Traffic Test. How do they react to a slow driver or a long line at the bank? Road rage is a spirit of impatience manifesting as aggression. If they scream at a faceless stranger in a car, that aggression is inside them, waiting for a target. Eventually, that target will be you.
To Themselves: Do they allow themselves grace? A person who is impatient with their own growth—constantly beating themselves up for not being "further ahead" or "perfect"—will eventually project that impossible standard onto you.

**5. KINDNESS (Greek: Chrestotes)** Useful Tenderness vs. Abrasiveness

Do not confuse "Kindness" with being "Nice." Nice is polite; kindness is useful. The Greek word Chrestotes implies a tenderness that actively seeks to be helpful. It is the absence of harshness. A kind partner doesn't just avoid hurting you; they actively look for ways to heal you.

To You (The Date): The Tone Check. In a disagreement, does their voice become sharp, sarcastic, or mocking? You can disagree without being unkind. If they use your vulnerability or your past secrets as a weapon during an argument, they lack Chrestotes.
To Their Loved Ones: Are they helpful without being asked? Do they anticipate the needs of their friends (e.g., bringing soup when someone is sick, offering a ride to the airport), or do they only show up for the party? Service is the love language of kindness.
To The Stranger: The "Powerless" Test. How do they treat a beggar, a child, or a server? Kindness is measured by how you treat those who can do absolutely nothing for you. If they are rude to the waiter but sweet to you, they are not kind; they are manipulative.
To Themselves: Watch their self-talk. If they drop a glass, do they mutter, "I'm such an idiot"? A person who is verbally abusive to themselves internally will eventually leak that abuse externally.

**6. GOODNESS (Greek: Agathosune)** Moral Integrity vs. Image Management

Goodness is holiness in action. It is doing the right thing simply because it is right, not because it is profitable or because people are watching. Goodness is what integrity looks like when the lights are off.

To You (The Date): The Purity Test. Do they respect your boundaries? "Goodness" does not try to compromise your walk with God for a moment of pleasure. A "good" man or woman protects your spirit, even from themselves. If they pressure you to sin, they do not value your soul.
To Their Loved Ones: Do they keep their word? If they told their brother they would help him move, do they show up? Or are they full of excuses? Goodness is reliable. If their "yes" means "maybe," their character is shaky.
To The Stranger: The Integrity Test. If the cashier gives them too much change, do they give it back? If they scratch a car in a parking lot and no one sees, do they leave a note? These small moments reveal whether they fear God or just fear getting caught.
To Themselves: Do they have a secret life? Goodness requires transparency. If their phone is always face down, locked, and guarded, they are managing an image, not cultivating goodness. A person of goodness has nothing to hide.

The Challenge

Do not ignore these signs. You are hiring a partner for the most important team of your life. If they fail the 360° inspection now—when they are supposed to be on their "best behavior"—do not expect them to pass it after the wedding.

Inspect the fruit. If it's rotten, don't eat it. Wait for the harvest God has prepared for you.